Home > Uncategorized > Legalize It (Me Throwing Rocks at Your Car)

Legalize It (Me Throwing Rocks at Your Car)

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The Lite-Bright of our society burning out one bulb at a time.

I’m just going to throw this out there, but I think that as pedestrians we should be able to legally vandalize cars.

This has been happening to me more frequently lately where I’m waiting at a stoplight, I get the sign to walk, I start to walk and a car cuts off me off with a long honk and an ugly stare. I’m left standing on the edge of the sidewalk confused as to what I did. I’m forced to shrug it off and continue on my way.

That was the old me; the new me is saying enough is enough.

Starting today I will no longer shrug it off and continue on my way like some pathetic loser – no! Instead I’m going to pick up whatever I can find nearby (rocks, whiskey bottle, poodle) and chuck it at the car as hard as I can and then run. Run as hard and as fast as I have ever ran before.

Now who’s laughing?

There is an epidemic in this country and it all started when someone decided to ignore the little, white, light-up walking man. We live in a society of rules and when one so basic as pedestrians having the right away no longer carries any weight with the average Joe motorist then it’s time for action.

My first thought was that there should be a law; not that pedestrians have the right-of-way, but that pedestrians have the right to throw projectiles at cars upon being cut-off.

The truth is I can see how there would be a lot of people in favor of this law (i.e. pedestrians), but I can also see how there would be a lot of people opposed to this law (i.e. drivers, pedestrians with cars).

Whether a law gets passed or not I’m still going to going to go vigilante justice all over your Ford Fusion. You say you care about the economy, you say you care about the life of an unborn child, you say you care about education, but make no mistake: you will care about me when I open my bag of doorknobs and start throwing heaters at your windshield.

Laws are stupid, though. Even if a law gets passed and some idiot group of politicians actually gives me the right to get my revenge you know some group of Tea Party’ers is going to ruin it. You know they’ll take it to the Supreme Court who will probably rule a car actually has the same rights as an individual and why shouldn’t they? Corporations do.

All I’m saying is that everything that is wrong with America starts with three things: the Supreme Court, people who don’t flush the toilet after taking a massive poo and drivers who cut off pedestrians even though the little, white, light-up walking man says otherwise.

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