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Posts Tagged ‘corporate america’

WikiLeaks: Hoorayforme Edition

March 2, 2011 2 comments

Interoffice memos leaked from January 2010 until March 2011 show how poorly major companies in corporate America are managing the recession.

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Tuesday January 12, 2010 11:00 a.m.

Subject: Please put in all the extra effort you can to make sure the company’s a success. Remember when the company succeeds, you succeed

Attention All Full-Time Employees,

While over-time has currently been cut, employees are encouraged to go that extra step and put in a few extra hours a week. If we all work diligently together and put in that extra effort our company is known for then we will power right through this recession.
We live in an era where the national unemployment rate is hovering around 10 percent, but fortunately for you, you are employed. Work hard and you will see the rewards in yourself and in the company you work for.

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February Thursday 25, 2010 2:59 p.m.

Subject: New mandatory overtime

Attention All Full-Time Employees,

Effective Monday March 1, 2010, all employees are required to work an additional 5 hours of overtime on top of their normal 40 hour per week schedule until further notice.
Questions or comments should be directed to your managers or Human Resources department, but only after work hours.

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Friday February 26, 2010 5 p.m.

Subject: Re: new mandatory overtime

Attention All Part-Time Employees,

Congratulations you have all been promoted to full-time employees because we like to think of our employees as one autonomous unit.
Until further notice you will not receive a pay increase, benefits or pay beyond your normal 15-20 hours, but will now be required to work 40 hours. Please plan accordingly.
Have a great weekend!

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Wednesday May 5, 2010 9:46 a.m.

Subject: Employees are no longer allowed to feel stressed, overwhelmed and/or take breaks during work hours

Attention All Employees,

Due to recent layoffs, our company no longer employs enough staff to get all the normal work done in a day. As a result of these circumstances we’re instructing all employees to limit breaks of all kinds including lunch breaks, smoke breaks and normal break breaks.
Just keep working and do not stop working.
This is not a violation of your rights as you signed those rights away when you were hired.
Employees will not be permitted to file grievances because this is a non-union company.
Also, we fired the entire Human Resources department and replaced them with a new coffee maker. This was for your benefit.

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Wednesday May 5, 2010 10:15 a.m.

Subject: Employees are now responsible for repayment of the new coffee maker

Attention All Employees,

Due to an accounting error, the company will not able to pay for the new coffee maker. Five dollars will be deducted from each employee’s paycheck retroactively from January 1, 2011 until the new coffee maker is paid for (projected pay-off date: January 1, 2030).
Please do not come to your managers with complaints about the company’s new policy as they are too overwhelmed to deal with anyone else being overwhelmed.

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Monday November 22, 2010 12:35 p.m.

Subject: To pay for high-level corporate bonuses this year, all lower level employees salaries will be cut 15 percent

Attention All Employees,

In addition to repayment of the coffee maker, we are going to need to buckle down as a company and help each other out. That’s why effective immediately all lower level employees will be required to take a mandatory 15 percent pay cut.
If you have to ask yourself if you are a lower level employee then the answer is yes.

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Tuesday November 23, 2010 3:00 p.m.

Subject: Thanksgiving Vacation

Attention All Employees,

It is not mandatory, but it is highly recommended for those employees who value their jobs to come in to work for the remainder of the week. You can celebrate Thanksgiving next week. It’s not like it’s going anywhere.

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Friday December 24, 2010 4:58 p.m.

Subject: Mandatory Saturday hours

Attention All Employees,

Please be advised that this coming Saturday December 25 is a mandatory Saturday for all employees.
Where is your savior now?

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Wednesday February 23, 2011 1:15 p.m.

Subject: Layoffs

Attention All Employees,

Most of you are fired while some are not. For further information on this, contact the Human Resources department.
For those of you who have not been released and are currently a high level employee you can expect to receive your bonus on the third Thursday of this month.

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